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Now that Sarah Palin has been certified clueless and ideologically dangerous, the McCain camp has someone to race bait and fear monger. What does that leave for our least favorite senior citizen, trust fund army brat Bush-o-matic John McCain? Eye contact, perhaps? Yes!

Will Obama emerge America's most wanted man? If you mean, as president... Why, yes he will!

Will McCain get angry? You betcha! In a good way? Negative. The good thing about time passing: it passes!

Obama's up first. We are in the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. It's a final indication of what's wrong with the way Bush ran this country (into the ground). Executives should not only NOT profit, AIG should get slapped for last week's $440K junket, and other companies should get slapped for the same sort of thing, and we have to help Americans--regular ones. Fair enough.

McCain knows anger and he says America's angry (and he's right), but duh. He wants us to focus on energy independence. McCain wants to jury-rig home values by creating a bailout for actual homeowner mortgages. Talk about buying votes! (Or not.)

And McCain just made eye contact with Obama. We're sunk! (Or not.) Warren Buffet as the new Paulson? Why, doesn't he support Obama? I think he does! Hm!! Obama scores a point by repeating that any solution must not reward those at the top.

McCain does not think we should call the bailout a bailout, but rather a rescue. He also beiieves standing in front of Obama may tend to infantalize the young senator from Illinois. Obama looks bemused as McCain talks Fanny and Freddie and how Obama was on the take. Now Obama points out that the credit crunch that will result from McCain's "rescue" plan will close down many a business resulting in more unemployment. Obama re-directs McCain to the stain on the rug of his lies: McCain has the Fanny lobbyist on his team, and he's pro-deregulation. 

Brokaw asks if Obama is saying the future is bleak. He is not saying that. No it is bright, this storied future. McCain also thinks this. I am not running for president, so I can say that I do not think the future is so very bright--with regard to the economic thing.

"How can we trust either of you?" Ms Finch asks.  

No one is blameless here, says Obama, but the Republicans should be blamed more. McCain thinks the system is broken. He is a maverick and now...wait for it!!!...here comes the maverick list! Citing Lieberman does not make you bipartisan, Senator. Not a bit. "Obama's the biggest spender in the Senate. I fight him every day, and he's just incorrigible. Did you know that Senator Obama bought everyone in the Senate a new brand name DVD player for Christmas last year with your hard-earned money?" (Okay that last quote is not a quote. It is a lie. Sorry.)

McCain's priorities: lies. Whoops. Energy? Please. Obama talks priorities, and he too believes energy is important, but somehow there's something more to it when he says this. $15 billion over ten years on better solutions for energy independence. 10 years and we're free. No more foreign oil. Health care is the second priority. Three: Education. What about McCain? Not so much. 

What sacrifices will McCain ask Americans to make to strengthen the country? Programs! Anything that's not working. No more earmarks, like social security. No. Not social security. Wooden arrow manufacturers? No. What then? A spending freeze. No more school for the kids, folks! Obama brings up 9-11 and how we all were ready to come together back then. The missed opportunity: Bush said go out and shop. Not quite a call to service. American's want leadership to tackle problems like a young man, not an old man. Energy is a big issue, and we need more oil, and that includes off-shore drilling and "clean" coal. (Say it isn't so.) And now Obama is going to incentivize saving energy. Fine, but the coal, thing? I know your talking about volunteerism now, but I'm stuck on the drilling and coal thing...... I'll get over it. 

Obama is going to repeat himself: We need to stop acting like that crazy dry drunk George W Bush who said--calling the kettle black--the stock market got drunk. The president needs to set the tone: Everyone needs to pitch in--and it needs to be fair. "McCain wants to cut stuff across the board, and I want to use a scalpel." (Not an exact quote, like the rest of the not exact quotes here.)

McCain: Nailing down Obama's tax plans: like nailing Jell-O to the wall. So funny! Not. Does that count as a product placement? Senator Obama's "secret?" A secret!!! He's going to raise taxes on small businesses. McCain just "delivered the news" to Obama on live TV! The news is bad. Wow. How "Palin" of him. I guess you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. McCain's bunkum line about Obama taxing small businesses: bunkum and Obama just made that clear.

Brokaw won't let Obama talk because why? I can't say because it seems like an unwise thing to do seeing as I live in the same town as the guy. 

McCain wants to give the average CEO a $700K tax cut. Manly! Not only that: McCain can fix social security. Excellent. So, um, why has it not been done yet? McCain talks about how Obama has never attacked anyone in Congress. Well, Johnny did. Remember how he lunged at Rick Renzi? Grrrr. Rhetoric and record? Keep saying that Senator. You're in Tennessee, dummy.

What would McCain do to get Congress moving fast on green jobs and the environment? McCain not only disagrees with Bush on this topic, but also his running mate. McCain like nukes. Nukes good. 95% of our market lives over seas. Think about that. Heh. Wow. 

Obama thinks green jobs the key to future economic success in America and he uses the Internet's development as an example of wise investment in the future. McCain voted against green technology 23 times. Score! Obama is now giving a little peak oil lesson (ish) and now: Sustained effort from the president to make sure we figure out the energy problem once and for all in a sustainable way. 

BTW McCain has not made eye contact that I've seen since he did way long ago and now refers to our hero as "that guy."

As for health care: this one really hurts. McCain wants to tax your health plan. Obama wants you to have a really good plan. McCain does not like Obama talking about government. He doesn't like Obama telling people what to do. Mandates. A homosexual thing? No! It's "that one" telling you what to do. Damn! "That one" will fine you. Won't you cross redlines, er, I mean, state lines, to get away from "that one?" I would. I sure as heck by howdy would cross a line to get away from that guy. And to tax your plan. And talk about hair plugs (crickets). 

McCain's jokes are falling flatter than his.... Okay. Not going to say that. You finish the sentence.

They are now talking war. Huh. What is it good for? Blahbittyblah. $10 billion a month? Iraq has money, let them pay Blackwater to kill the "bad" guys. We got an economy to fix here. Obama said it. McCain stepped in it (when he was hugging Bush). 

Obama doctrine regarding humanitarian crisis and the use of force: Moral issues are always at stake. If we could have stopped the holocaust, who would have said no? Ditto anywhere else genocide is happening: it diminishes us. It is part of our national interest to intervene when possible. There is a lot of cruelty and we can't be everywhere all the time, which is why we need to be better leaders and set the tone internationally, and that happens through leadership.

The McCain doctrine: To hell with that. I want to talk about Iraq. Okay. Now that I've done that: We need to do whatever we can, which aint much. In fact what we can do mostly requires that we stand by mostly and watch the innocent get mostly slaughtered. Because it's expensive. And stuff. Because Vietnam did not work out so well, did it? No... It did not.

Pakistan: Obama thinks this is the place to think about bombing if you're going to show the world that you're capable of doing such a thing. And I believe him. McCain is going to talk about heroes and how stupid Obama is for saying he's willing to bomb folks. Dunno, Senator. You are not saying anything here so far as I can tell.

Oh ouch, ouch, ouch!!! I love it. Finally, Obama lands a solid punch. He said something "nice" about McCain, which the old codger walked into and thanked him--HA!!! Because then, "that one" brought up the "Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran" thing!!!" Yay. McCain will get Osama bin Laden and, "I know how to do it, and I am going to do it because I know how, because I am Chuck Norris (see, Bub?), and my tears cure cancer, but I never cry." I thought Rambo would have been a more apt cultural reference. 

Here's something I do not understand, and I say this having not only followed the war in Iraq, but having pubished the first book (in September 2002 with Will Pitt and Scott Ritter) against the war. It's a topic of interest. I follow the news. Okay, so I've got this: WTF??? The surge did not work, Senator McCain.

McCain wants to show moral support for Georgia. There are penalties. 

Russia is an issue, says Obama. And he agrees with McCain, but we need to provide more than moral support. How about some concrete assistance? Yeah. And let's see around the corners! Nice one. A while back before Georgia got ugly, Obama said something. Energy is key to dealing with Russia: Less money for them. So there.

Foresight is so useless, though, when a Republican is president. 

Is Russia an evil empire?

Obama: They engaged in evil behavior, and have nationalist impulses.

McCain: Maybe. "If I say yes, we're reigniting the Cold War. Now I will say what Obama said..."

What up if Iran attacks Israel?

McCain: If it happened? Turn our friends into a stinking corpse (magic?). What then? We would destroy them. (And anyone who got in the way.) "And I'm thinking it will happen."

Obama: Let's just stop Iran from getting the bomb? Hm? "Stop them from getting the bomb, we must," says Yoda. How Yoda became such a tall and trim man, I can't say. We should talk with our friends and our enemies. That's part of being human. It gives us a better chance at better outcomes.  

Gentlemen, what don't you know and how will you learn it?

Obama: Michelle has the longer list. The challenges are immense. The challenges that you don't expect consume most of your time. I wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for the fact that this country gave me opportunities. I am the American dream. Are we going to pass that American dream to the next generation? And now he gets into a stump speech sorta place. Ah the vapidity of summation.

McCain. He will be worse. No, he will be unbearable. Here goes....

McCain: What I don't know is what all of us don't know: What's going to happen here and abroad. Americans are hurting. I am not. But Americans are hurting. I do not know what the unexpected will be, but I am old. I know what it's like to be rich and alone. Hope is a trans-class thing. America? Give me another chance!!!

McCain steps in front of Brokaw's script, jumps away. Nimble old bunny. 

The end.