Ask a Liberal

Hey you big stupid Libtard!

What's all this chatter about dog whistle racism? What's that supposed to mean?

Yrs, The Brain

Dear The [word I refuse to type],

What "all this" IS is "you" mulitplied by "our culture." Seems there are certain aural pitches that are beyond the range of normal human hearing.

In the same manner, there are certain ideas that are beyond me. That said, they are not beyond you, since you called me a libtard. One of these ideas would be that anyone who is not white is inferior, and also most likely dangerous.

Here's an example for free: When I hear that Barack Obama went to a hardline madrassa as a kid, I check it out. Turns out that whole thing was a lie first published in a magazine owned by the cult leader Sun Myung Moon. Somehow you hear the story, and it's true.

Why is this?

This is because you are a fucktard.

Hope this helps.

Meister Eck

Dear Lib:

Are John McCain and Sarah Palin really mavericks?

Yrs, Mister McReal

Hi McReal.

Interesting that you should be thus named. Sarah Palin has indeed claimed maverick status. Her exact words were, "We're a couple of mavericks." But are they really mavericks?

Wikipedia says, "People experiencing maverick-status may report hallucinations or delusional beliefs, and may exhibit personality changes and disorganized thinking.
This may be accompanied by unusual or bizarre behavior, as well as
difficulty with social interaction and impairment in carrying out the
activities of daily living.

Wait, that's the definition for psychosis. Here's the definition for maverick: "an unbranded range animal, especially a motherless calf; it can also
mean a person who thinks independently; a lone dissenter; a
non-conformist or rebel."

Motherless? Well, that would make for a very angry bull. Alas that is the only respect in which McCain or Palin could be called mavericks. In every other respect--McCain the Bush lover, imitator and Palin the wolf-shooting beauty queen--are not rebels. They're a couple of McMavericks.

Hope this helps.

Meister Eck

Hey Lib:

Will you admit that Sarah Palin gave a convincing performance in the VP debates?

Sincerely,

Palinista in Lander, WY

Dear Palinista,

Let me start off by announcing that I may not answer your question the way you would like me to. With that, I will say in no uncertain terms that the atomic weight of carbon is 12.011. Obviously that’s the answer to a different question. See how annoying that is? I’m actually a leg up on Sarah Palin because the answer I gave is at least factual, and not a series of nice-sounding but inconsistent talking points.

Sarah Palin not only failed to convince me that she could be Vice President—she failed to convince me that she can even pretend to be Vice President very well. Her performance reminds me of Marlon Brando in “Guys and Dolls.” At least Brando was a gifted actor who nailed the character of gambler Sky Masterson. Then he took it a step too far by believing he could pull off the singing part by acting like someone who could sing. His painful warbling through “Luck Be A Lady” removed any doubt that there’s a huge difference between being a singer and playing a singer. There are some definite skills involved with being able to carry a tune, and Brando was unable to summon them by channeling the backstory of someone who could hit a note. The present Administration notwithstanding, there are also a number of definite skills involved in governing, and being able to sound vaguely like someone with those skills is not enough.

Dear Lib:

Who the hell does that jerk Beau Friedlander think he is calling Sarah Palin the Cutie Pie from Who-Knows-Why? WTF? Doesn't he think her being governor means anything?

My best, Big Red

Dear Big,

Beau Friedlander is an idiot. He has a bad way of saying things. He is a clown. As a matter of fact, I understand him only because I work here and have to either try to understand him or experience a less enjoyable worklife. (It's honestly a bit dreary.)

The fact is, Big, he called her that name because he's afraid of her. Or rather he is afraid that she may be much more powerful than he likes to think when he's humming Abba songs in the shower. I'm afraid in this instance you are right, Big Red. Sarah Palin is governor, and that means she is good at something. The debate made that clear (wink, wink).

It makes me sick because my colleagues all think she's a push-over. I think she's like Coca-Cola back in the day: 90% marketing, 10% cocaine. We shall see....

Best regards,

Meister Eck.

The Young Turks Show will be providing special live coverage of the Vice Presidential debates tonight, beginning at 9:00pm ET. During the debates TYT host Cenk Uygur will do play-by-play analysis of the candidates answers. Afterward, special guests will join the show to give their perspectives. There will even be a conservative blogger on the show to point out the strengths and weaknesses of each candidate. Tune into www.theyoungturks.com and get your VP debate fix!

Dear Lib:  Why all the sudden are people calling the bailout "the rescue plan"?   Curiously, Wordmeister

Dear Wordmeister,

The reason the bailout term has been replaced by the phrase "rescue plan" has to do with banking, actually. You see, the media are like any other industry. They are focused on growth. That means they have to make more money every quarter. To do this, they need to leverage certain things. One of these things: Credit. 

We all have relationships with banks, and we grow in those relationships (or die). The Bush Financial Doctrine of Reckless Abandon caused some instability in the global banking communities, which you may have noticed were the topic of some discussion on the news recently. 

"Bailout" implies that something is sinking or flooded. It suggests a fair amount of peril. "Rescue," well, that implies, as our own Sam Seder pointed out in his Q&A re Maron v Seder, something helpdful involving a Saint Bernard and a little keg of hard liquor. 

I hope this helps.

Yrs, Meister Eck